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03:14 pm
9/7/06

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bloodforpain
Curving into a straight line once again.
I'm happy it's over. Truly and completely. Sometimes things change and you don't seem to notice that you, yourself are changing as well. Well to my great pleasure, I've changed back. And for the first time in a while, I feel normal again. Everything is more clear than they have ever been. Sharper images, precise sound. Feeling. It's been fun and now only more tales can unfold into what I see to be a great future.
This is the way it should be. This is how I should feel. This just is.

It's hard to believe how things change when you are captive under something else's vail. Most cannot even see the light until after horrific ordeals. I'm happy knowing of my intelligence.

Recently..
Met some interesting people. Most of which are quite enjoyable to be around.

Lastly..
(=
* * *
11:36 am
8/15/06

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bloodforpain
(no subject)
Ozzfest was amazing. In every possible way. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"In his eyes,
She remembered what it was like to be the most beautiful girl in the world. She remembered falling asleep to his gentle words (and waking up to his fingers gently gliding across her face and through her hair). She remembered the little surprises he would bring to her. She remembered the little notes he made just to make her smile. The tickle wars. The wrestling. The starlit nights where the flying machines took their leave. The first I love you. The first kiss.

She remembered everything. The days slowly drifted out of reach, as the nights grew longer. She remembered everything. Months. She remembered everything. Years. She remembered everything. Forever. She remembered everything.

In her eyes,
He had forgotten."
-MM
* * *
10:50 pm
8/11/06

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bloodforpain
Awoo
Sooo, tomorrow I leave for Ozzfest. I don't know how long I've been looking forward to this. The lineup this year is pretty good. On mainstage we got: Ozzy, System of a Down, Disturbed, Avenged Sevenfold, Hatebreed, Lacuna Coil, and Dragonforce. Mainly looking forward to Sisma. On 2nd stage there is: Black Label Society, Atreyu, Unearth, Bleeding Through, Norma Jean, Between the Buried and Me, Strapping Young Lad, Bad Acid Trip...and yeah several more. Either way, this weekend will be amazing.

I think I will be much happier once I get back, actually I know I will be. I really do need this vacation. To at least get away from everything for a few days. I've been dying for it all summer. And I must say this summer has not been particularly..well..fun. Yes, it did have its moments. But overall, no thumbs up.

Too much has been going on lately. With myself and my situation.
I'm tired of thinking, luckily the next 3 days won't require any of that.
I think too much as it is and I think I have come to the conclusion that I need to be simple for a while. If that makes any sense at all. But my thinking confuses every part of me and I need to mute it for a while. Just relax, be happy, and enjoy whatever comes along my way.
I'm done worrying because it does not get me anywhere. If anything it just puts me behind.
* * *
10:32 am
7/26/06

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bloodforpain
Dragging on
Everyday is longer than the last.

I am going to paint.
* * *
11:20 pm
7/24/06

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bloodforpain
(no subject)
Silence. It says the most. You can't hear what I'm thinking but I can read you like a subcultural antique tale of the ages. The shards of glass are painful beneath my toes. All I can ever hear is the silence. It's not always so golden you know? The bricks are aligned magnificently upon the walls surrounding the nothingless, motionless, and dreary decay of a heartbeat. They censor the sound. The heart beats louder than ever with each passing moment but the damned walls block its life, desire, and eternal yearning.

When will the tales end?
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04:49 pm
7/22/06

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bloodforpain
(no subject)
August is looking good.
Ozzfest
19
Deland
Misc. little joys.

Take the time to look around and see what is always changing. Take the time to look at yourself.
* * *
12:39 pm
7/17/06

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bloodforpain
I crave.
This jigsaw puzzle within my mind, that not even I can solve, is slowly deteriorating. Wanting one thing, saying another. Everything screams at me simultaneously and so forcefully that I cannot decide which path to take. My mind gets the best of me and I allow that to happen. Trying so hard not to be controlled by them. Not to be consumed by them. Not to be killed by them. I know what I want. I know how to get there. But they won't let me. I am constantly arguing with myself and no one understands how tiring this can be. How confusing. As my actions and words take place, the back of my mind is always trying to alter the present. Whether good or bad. This needs to stop. I must block her out. If I don't, I will lose myself and everything I love.

The battle will continue until she is dead.
* * *
08:42 pm
7/8/06

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bloodforpain
(no subject)
Passionate embrace, tucked beneath the shadows of a familiar scene. Play it over and over within your mind. The warmth is nothing but real. Unite with your loneliness and strive upon your desire. An unmistakable bond between souls, living off of one another, gasping at each others every breath. Satisfaction from within the other. Never seeking the lust of another. Perfection has met its match as the light fades into the natural longing that comes from the soul. The past is forgotten and only the moment is real. A moment that seems to drag on through eternities. The souls cannot be torn apart as the bond has rooted to deeply.
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